"Aint No Thing But A Chicken Wing"

So, you're apparently hip and trendy to wear your jeans like you A) cannot afford a belt, and B) have shit yourself. Now, clothes may 'maketh the man' but they don't necessarily complete the whole jigsaw. What you need is accessories. The day's of the chunky gold bracelet from Lizzy Duke @ Argos are behind us now... a new champion of tat must come forward! And come forward it has, in the shape of meat. Yes, meat. You can, for a sum ranging from paltry to "fucking how much" can adorn your neck with a boldly coloured chicken wing. You're not misreading here... A FUCKING CHICKEN WING!

This has apparently come about from some Tranny called Nicky Minge (or something like that) as shown here:

 

To be honest I'm not convinced that what is draped around it's neck is a chicken wing. I've eaten from all of the finer deep fried poultry establishments (including Chicken Cottage, Chicken Shed and Chicken Conservatory) and all I can see is a pink version of what an ill dog may knurl out on a hot day. The above mentioned mess will set you back around $70 apparently. If you're a bit more frugal and like your chicken jewellery looking a bit more chickeny then eBay may be your best choice, where for $14.50 (plus shipping) you can get your chuck on in a colour that chicken is not known for:

 

I suppose you could tell people that the red one is Tandoori.

 

But wait, haters gonna hate or maybe chicken aint yo thang? Never fear, for yet another ridiculous amount of wedge you can leave the chicken behind. You can go a different way. You can stand out in the meat related world of jewellery. You can go lean back. You can go smoked or unsmoked. You can go Bacon!

 

 

On the onchmovement site (google it because I can't be arsed to link to it) it's marketed as a Meatlace. The more I look at it the more I can't work out where the fuck you would wear it... out on the town with the lads will probably result in you being disowned. On a date with a ravishing beauty? Unless she has the same lack of taste as the tool wearing it then I suspect there will be no titty action and a lonely 'tommy tank' for you later.

 

As it's made of rubber it is actually Muslim friendly, yet if it was worn to a mosque for Friday prayers I suspect the funny side will not be seen.

 

There is other bacon related goodies to be had on the site, including streaky but I for one will not be wearing any of this shite.

 

Not until I can get a "2 sausage, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, mushrooms, black pud and fried bread" necklace with matching "tea & 2 toast" wrist cuff.